Been an interesting week for me… Bought a new home with the money that I’ve earned busting my ass and being the best — most effective manager and developer I’ve seen. I’ve hired the best and brightest and have planned, pushed and fought my way to leading a company developmentally from a company with an effective gross yearly income of less than $1M a year to $15M+ a year. The changes I’ve made in hardware, software, and development processes have led to a more cohesive and stable product while providing more features and functionality. A lot of people would look at me and say I’m a driven and capable — even successful person. My wife loves me, my children love me and I am happy about who I am, I have not had to sacrifice my morals or ethics to achieve my success, nor have I had to drive or tear other people down to raise myself up.
So it was quite a kick in the teeth when after my daughter — who has been through more than anyone deserves — posts a well written and frank review of all the bad things that have happened to her thus far. She had shared this document with me as she was writing it and she had finished her magnum opus and while at her mother’s home decided to publish it to a blog site and link it to her Facebook account. I am not on my children’s Facebook account directly, I’ve gotten sanctioned for having any posts related to my children or their duress the court has threatened me if I do not keep in line with my family and what we have to say. This, in a normal situation, would be appropriate. Divorce by its nature is terribly destructive and is the direct result of a complete breakdown in understanding and cooperation between two adults. As such it’s incumbent on said individuals to keep quiet and not rock the apple cart for the children. Of course, these rules assume a sane and healthy set of individuals, something lacking in many divorce situations. Sociopaths, narcissists, borderline personalities, and pathological liars love these rules, they allow them to proceed unmolested, undetected, and without scrutiny. The entire system as it sits now provides an excellent petri dish for such individuals. I’ve been combating this trying to protect and support my children while walking this tight rope. Personally, I feel I’ve failed to protect my children. Not for lack of trying — not for not being there but because the momentum, money, and my unwillingness to do anything to win has encumbered and stopped all attempts to make things better. I am now looking at the harsh reality that with only two years remaining I am doubtful that anything substantive will change from here.
When my family, specifically my brother and then my parents read Sam’s posts they were horrified. It acted as a catalyst for my Father, who now appears to have a new campaign. He’s planning – he’s scheming – I told him good luck! Hope it works out. He called me yesterday to talk and get more information about the situation. He inquired about a strange comment Sam had made, “Don’t publish it (Her written work) with her name, it might affect her job”. My Father didn’t understand this comment. I explained that this most likely came from “Aunt Terry” who was more concerned about any nasty or harsh realities casting a shadow across her future. It’s better to be raped and molested in private, take the abuse than to publish it, people might think less of you. My father wanted to continue on… I stopped him, I said look do whatever you want — leave me out of it. What will happen next, if you are successful is she will attempt to sue me or find me in contempt of court and then if that doesn’t work she may or may not go after you guys. Have fun. He didn’t like my defeatist attitude. Apparently telling your kid to write to the friend of the court. Buying a ticket to Arizona and having a second cousin your son doesn’t know pick him up and take him to Detroit somehow makes him the paragon of winning these types of engagements. Different battlefields, different rules, and a person with a lot more malice and money. He mistakenly starts to review the content of her work (I might add contains no mention of either my Father or Mother) and states in her writing you come across as sympathetic but ineffectual. I pretty much lost my shit at this point recounting the over $30k of sympathetic ineffectual I had gone through in an attempt to deal, cope, and work through this situation. Everyone is entitled to there opinion and I welcome someone giving this a try. Good luck! I want nothing further to do with your plans, you got away with shit 30 years ago because of a young man who never quits (me) and always sees shit through. Not because you had even half of a fucking good plan or were oh-so responsible. The most responsible thing about you is the woman you married and the person I call mother. I’ll be over here quietly keeping it together for my children and gently reminding them every chance I get that they are good kids, who are loved and that they always have a home with me. No matter what lies their mother has said.