So today was the return of Max and Sam. It was nerve wracking, especially after all of the nasty texts and calls.
I immediately received the silent treatment from Sam, I immediately took her to Dr. Marshall because I was not going to engage her about the court and evaluation.
Dr. Marshall had fifteen minutes she squeezed us in, Sam was pissed. I had her talk to Dr. Marshall about the situation, I clarified that I did not know what to do — I won’t talk about the court situation and it is obvious she has been talked to.
Dr. Marshall spoke in private to Sam and then I thank Dr. Marshall, she told me as I left that Sam was very angry at me because I will not tell her what’s going on and I won’t share any secrets. This is what I am supposed to do!
It took the entire ride home for her to settle a bit and then a couple more hours before the silence passed.
Max, well Max was just being Max happy and that always makes me happy.
At the end of the evening I called a family meeting to discuss all of the upset texts and calls.
Neither child was happy about this meeting and Sam had an especially hard time even facing my direction.
When I started the discussion I talked first with Max about how he felt left out because of last week where he went on a boy scout trip.
I told him I thought he made a good choice because I had to bury my Grandma back in Michigan so the weekend was much shorter and the trip sounded fun.
He agreed, but said that his Mom said I lied, that I could have taken him to get ice cream after school as I had suggested.
I told him that it was not possible, that his mother has texted me that she had an appointment in Scottsdale at 1:00pm and that they got out at 12:30pm…
That made it impossible to get ice cream and then drop him off with his Mom. He commented that Mom was able to do it (Not and make a 1:00pm in Scottsdale, but how do you explain this to Max? You don’t).
Then Max said, Mom says I am too forgiving with you…. My jaw dropped, what?!?! Mom says I shouldn’t be so forgiving to you… Uh… Ok… So What do I do here? Nothing…
I stop the conversation and say I have never told you how to feel about anything, I have never said anything negative about anyone, why would you not be forgiving to me?
Sam is still brooding beside Max — very uncomfortable and obviously has a lot on her mind.
She is hurting and I need to release this pain. When I ask her about the voice mails and text messages, her Mom said she was venting and she was supposed to vent.
Tanasha steps in and says, but baby, you aren’t supposed to lash out and try to hurt someone who loves you.
Sam does not take this very well. I try a different approach, what have you been told that is making you feel like there is a problem?
She immediately says, I haven’t been told anything! That of course is not accurate, I mention the fact that she is aware the court is going to take another six months.
She says, well yes, her Mom told her… Ok… So then she proceeds to layout how I obviously don’t understand her, because if I did I would realize that by telling her what is going on she feels safer and able to schedule herself?!?!
I process this for a bit and then come up with the best example I can, baby we there are somethings you are not supposed to know, because there is nothing you can do about it.
If you cannot do anything about it then what is the good in worrying about it, or even worse, believing you can do something about it and then when it doesn’t work out you feel like you’ve failed.
No parent wants this for their child, I don’t want this for you… Another example is death: We are all going to die, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life worrying about it.
Things that you cannot control are not something you give a child to worry about it! She seemed to process this along time.
I smiled and said baby, I love you, just let it all go…. You don’t have to worry about it. So whatever you are being told, you don’t have to worry about it… Ok?
Sam: She doesn’t tell us anything! She doesn’t talk to us about these things!
I say oh okay, then you are just worrying about it because why?
Sam: Oh like when you said Dr. Yee was stupid and he lied and didn’t know what he was talking about? That’s what Mom said!
I say ahhh…. So she doesn’t tell you anything… You just heard….
Sam: Yes! That’s what Mom said you said during your meeting with Dr. Yee!
At this point, I just about fall over…. I know the part she is talking about, she has completely mis-relayed the entire conversation, the one she should have ZERO knowledge of…
Dr. Yee has said that the children said “both” parents had been lobbying the children. I said to Dr. Yee, I do not do that…. His response: Oh, then the kids must be lying. I said: No, I am not saying that, I just don’t tell the kids about this stuff. Yee says: Right, the kids are liars.
I let it go at that point….
I look at my kids and say, has your Dad ever told you anything that wasn’t true? They both look at me and shake their heads no. Max throws up a zero sign. I then say believe me everything is going to work out just fine. You don’t have to worry about anything, I promise you.
She Doesn’t Tell Us Anything — Right… Not what I heard…